I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This is the high leading the old right now
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
