Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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