If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Help. Why am I so naked?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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