Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
