I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
