It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
