She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
