I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
