this boner is exhausting
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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