The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
