I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
