They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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