I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
