I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
