she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
