You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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