I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
