Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
