i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
