Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
