at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
