had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
