i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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