Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
ok first of all what the fuck
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
