This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
