So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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