i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
