I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
