If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
