i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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