She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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