You smell like a Billy Joel song
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
