I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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