i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
