New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I did not marry a roomba.
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