She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
