i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
