these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
how do flat chested girls get laid?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
