This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
