I CAN MOONWALK!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
