I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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