can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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