normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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