I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
