Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
This house was built for laser tag.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
