I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
