Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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