pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
