He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
