remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
