Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
