I could have mohawked her pubes.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
