I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
