Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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