somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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