I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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