i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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