You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I have demons in me.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
