i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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