I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
