I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
