Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
